


The Camping Episode

by MinerL2020



Series: SquarePants and Friendship [6]
Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Animal Attack, Bears, Camping, Crossover, Funny, Sea Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27822091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinerL2020/pseuds/MinerL2020
Summary: At the weekend, Squidward is excited. Spongebob is going camping. The octopus is grateful that he'll get two whole days without his square neighbor... until it turns out the Sponge is ten feet from his pineapple. After an accidental challenge from Spongebob is issued, Squidward decides to join him. But he quickly hears that the happy camper is scared of sea bears. The octopus scoffs at this, but he quickly discovers he may be wrong.
Series: SquarePants and Friendship [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2029624





	The Camping Episode

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, though I have slightly modified the song.

Squidward was relaxing in his home.

“Ah, finally!” he said. “The weekend is here! And this isn’t just any old weekend. This is the weekend Spongebob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash go camping!” He gestured to his calendar, which had a picture of the five around a fire, labeled, ‘Spongebob goes camping’. “Wouldn’t it be great if they got lost in the woods and never came back?” He imagined the five friends walking through the woods carrying packs, Patrick examining a map.

“Guys, I’m scared!” imagination Spongebob said, fearfully. Squidward pulled himself out of his daydream.

“Ho-Ho, that would be _great!”_ He jumped into bed. “You’ve waited a long time for this! A soft bed, warm tea, a good book, and two whole days with no,” he let out an imitation of Spongebob’s laugh. Then he heard Spongebob’s real laugh. “Huh?”

Squidward went outside, and saw a tent, a campfire, as well as Rainbow Dash and Applejack putting wood and coral for the fire in a pile, before they went off to get more.

In the tent, Spongebob, Pinkie and Patrick were looking at books with a flashlight, and giggling. Then Squidward poked his head in the tent. “Aren’t you five supposed to be camping?” he asked.

“We _are_ camping,” Pinkie said.

“Pinkie, it’s not camping if you’re _ten feet_ from Spongebob’s pineapple.”

“Aw,” Spongebob said, “it doesn’t matter where you are as long as you’re outdoors. While all those soft city folk are safe in their beds reading books, we’re out here, pitting ourselves against the formidable forces of nature. You wanna join us?”

“Yeah, Squidward!” Pinkie said. “Join us!”

“No,” Squidward said.

“Okay,” the party planner said. “Have fun inside!”

Squidward left, before the three pulled out their book, turned the flashlight on, and started giggling again. Then Squidward peeked back in the tent.

“What do you _mean_ ‘have fun inside’?” he demanded

“Just… have fun inside!” Pinkie said. “See you tomorrow.”

“Oh. Bye.” Squidward left, and the three resumed reading. Then Squidward came back in, and gasped. “You little sneak! I see what you’re doing!”

“What?” Pinkie asked, confused.

“Don’t think I can’t see what you’re doing!”

“What?”

Squidward poked Pinkie. “You’re saying I can’t take it!”

“But all she-” Spongebob began.

Squidward lifted a tentacle. “Ah! You’re saying I’m soft! You think your little ‘have fun inside’ challenge is gonna make me come camping with you! But that is _never gonna happen!_ There’s no way I’m gonna sit out here all night with you losers! So, _get used to it!”_ Squidward left.

“Okay,” Spongebob said.

“Have fun inside,” Pinkie said, innocently.

Squidward promptly came back, and yelled so loudly it blew the three back. _**“That’s it! I’m in!** I’ll show you camping!”_ He ran into his house to grab supplies.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack had just come back, and saw Squidward leaving the campsite, as Spongebob, Pinkie, and Patrick went outside their tent, giggling.

“What was he just doin’ here?” Applejack asked.

“Squidward’s gonna come camping with us!” Spongebob said, as the three giggled.

“I can see this going well,” Rainbow muttered to Applejack, causing both to quietly chuckle.

Squidward came back, wearing a large backpack. “Now you’ll see how a real-ugh!” he yelped as he fell on his face, the giant bag squashing him. “-outdoorsman does it!” He climbed out from underneath, and pulled out a pouch. “Here we are! My remote control self assembling tent. Watch and learn.”

Spongebob got out binoculars. Patrick pulled out a pencil, a notebook, and put on a pair of half moon spectacles. Pinkie acquired a video camera. Rainbow and Applejack just rolled their eyes.

Squidward tossed the pouch into the air, and pressed the button. The power fizzled, and the tent came out unassembled.

“Bravo, Squidward, bravo,” Rainbow said rhetorically.

“Yeah, that was great, Squidward!” Spongebob said. “But how do you get inside?”

“Yeah, it’s all crushy looking,” Partick said.

“Is that how you guys put tents up under the sea?” Pinkie asked.

“No!” Squidward said. “It isn’t put up yet, you idiots!” Squidward picked up the tent, fiddled around with it, and accidentally ripped it.

“Customization!” Spongebob said.

“Genius!” Pinkie said, as Patrick seemed to write down a note.

Squidward started angrily hitting the tent with a stick. Rainbow and Applejack couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

“He’s tenderizing the ground!” Pinkie said.

“Of course!” Patrick said, writing on the notebook.

Squidward struggled with his tent, rolled on the ground, and got tied up. Rainbow and Applejack laughed so hard they collapsed on the ground, tears streaming down their cheeks.

“Write that down, _write that down!”_ Spongebob said, and Patrick scribbled something down, but he was only playing Tic-Tac-Toe.

Squidward angrily kicked the tent, and it instantly became assembled. It fell to the ground, stakes going into the sand. “Huh?” the octopus asked. “Voila!” The tent collapsed into a pile again. Smiling sheepishly, he pushed the tent out of the way. “But what could compare to just lying out under the stars?” He pulled out a blanket, and set it on the ground.

Spongebob, Patrick, and Pinkie applauded and cheered, while Rainbow and Applejack sat on the ground, pulling themselves together.

“Well, I’ve worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors,” Squidward said. “Time for a little grub.”

“Yup, ya would be hungry with all that wrestlin’ ya did with yer tent,” Applejack remarked, getting a few giggles from everyone besides Squidward.

Squidward smirked. “Maybe, but I bet you five survivalists are gonna stew up some twigs and rocks.”

Spongebob laughed. “Nope, we’ve got something even better!”

Hearing this, Pinkie hid her twigs and rocks behind her.

“Marshmallows,” Spongebob said, pulling out a Marsh King bag before popping a marshmallow in his mouth. “Mmm… just like the astronauts eat.”

“The what?” Applejack asked.

“You need to get out more!” Pinkie said. “An astronaut is someone who goes into a rocket, and flies into space! I’d like to visit there someday!”

“Knowing you, I’m sure you will,” Rainbow said without a trace of sarcasm.

“Really? Thanks Dashie!”

Patrick, with a glass helmet on his head, imitated static. “Patrick to Spongebob. Patrick to Pinkie. Do you two read me? Over.”

Spongebob, with a helmet on his head, imitated static. “Spongebob to Patrick. We read you. Over.”

Pinkie also had a helmet on, and imitated static. “Pinkie to Spongebob. I like going,” she made a static noise. “Over.”

“Spongebob to Pinkie. _*static*_ Me too.”

The three repeatedly made static noises, while the others looked at them. But while Rainbow and Applejack looked rather amused, Squidward was just annoyed.

Then Spongebob said, _“*static*_ Spongebob to Patrick, Spongebob to Pinkie. Help yourselves. Over.” He held out the bag.

“Yummy!” Patrick said. He took a marshmallow, and shoved it in his mouth, smashing the helmet. Pinkie made sure to take her own off before eating it. “Patrick to Spongebob, the deliciousness has landed!”

“Same goes for me!” Pinkie said.

“I hope you’re plannin’ on sharin’ those marshmallows,” Applejack said.

“Of course we are, AJ!” Spongebob said, holding out the bag. “Here you go!”

“Well you astronauts can eat all the marshmallows you want,” Squidward said. “I’m gonna have a can of Swedish Barnacle Balls,” he held up the can, “just as soon as I get my can opener.” He started back to his house.

“But Squidward,” Spongebob said, causing the octopus to stop. “Didn’t you take a can opener when you hiked out here?”

“Why would I bother?” Squidward asked. “We’re ten feet from my house.”

“But this is the wilderness!” Applejack pointed out. “It just doesn’t seem to fit the campin’ spirit.”

“Pretty weenie,” Rainbow said.

“Yeah, Squiddy!” Pinkie said. “Don’t be a weenie!”

“Alright, alright!” Squidward said. “Gimme a marshmallow.”

Squidward took his marshmallow, put it on a stick, and started toasting it lightly over the fire. Across the fire, Patrick stuck his marshmallow in the fire, and caused it to set aflame. He screamed, and frantically blew on it, causing it to fly off the stick, and onto Squidward’s face. The octopus wiped the molten sweet off his face, before resuming toasting his marshmallow. Patrick put another marshmallow on his stick, and lit it on fire again. He screamed, blew on it, and it went onto Squidward’s face. Squidward wiped it off again, annoyed. Patrick lit another marshmallow on fire, and blew on it, but this time, Squidward ducked, and it missed. He laughed, but the marshmallow hit him on the back of the head.

“Okay,” he said. “Besides spitting molten foodstuff on me, what else do you do for fun?”

“Simple!” Rainbow said. “We tell scary stories!”

“Ooh!” Pinkie said. “Which one are you telling tonight?”

“Well it’s-” Rainbow began, before pausing. “You know what? I probably shouldn’t tell you what happened at the Krusty Krab.” She looked away, pressing her hooves together, innocently. “It would ruin the trip for you.” Her eyes traveled to Pinkie as she smirked.

“Tell me! Tell me!”

“You don’t remember. It was all over the news!”

“What happened? What happened?” Pinkie asked, bouncing.

“You mean you’ve never heard the story of the Hash-Slinging Slasher?”

Pinkie looked confused. “The what?”

“The Hash-Slinging Slasher,” Rainbow repeated. “But most people call him the Ha- _augh!_ Because that’s all they have time to say before he _gets them!”_

 _“Tell me the story!”_ Pinkie said.

* * *

“He slowly approaches the _counter!”_ Rainbow said. “And do you know what he does next?”

“What?” Pinkie asked.

“You really want to know?”

_“What?”_

“Are you _sure_ you want to know?”

 _“What! What! What does he do-oo-ooh!”_ Pinkie said frantically.

Rainbow snuck up on Pinkie and tapped her. _“He gets ya!”_

Pinkie screamed and ran around in circles. The others couldn’t help but laugh at Pinkie’s dramatic display.

“Alright Rainbow,” Applejack said. “May wanna calm her down.”

Rainbow laughed. “Hey, Pinks, come on, I was just kidding.”

Pinkie stopped, and smiled. “I know, Dashie. But that story was super scary!”

“Okay, so far, I’m entertained by your activities,” Squidward said.

“And of course, that’s not the only thing we do!” Spongebob said. “After a long day of camping, it’s nice to unwind,” he pulled out a guitar, “with some nice, relaxing music.” He started playing. “I call this one, ‘The Campfire Song’.” He began to sing in his talented voice.

_“Let’s gather ‘round the campfire_

_And sing our campfire song_

_Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E_

_That’s our campfire song.”_

Pinkie started tapping her hooves, Applejack nodded along with the beat, Rainbow just smiled, and Patrick started moving his torso back and forth. He reached up, and started moving Squidward’s head back and forth, much to his annoyance.

_“And if you don’t think that_

_We can sing it faster, then you’re wrong_

_But it’ll help if you just sing along.”_

_“Bum! Bum! Bum!”_ Patrick sang in Squidward’s ear, much to his surprise. Then Spongebob began singing really fast. Patrick tried joining, but he was slightly behind.

_“C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E_

_That’s our campfire song!_

_C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E_

_That’s our campfire song!_

_And if you don’t think that_

_We can sing it faster, then you’re wrong_

_But it’ll help if you just sing along!”_

Spongebob, wearing a cap, pointed at a board with the song title on it.

_“C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E_

_That’s our campfire song!_

_Patrick!”_

_“Song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-!”_

_“Squidward!”_ Spongebob pointed at him with an arrow on the side of his head. Squidward said nothing. _“Good!”_

 _“It’ll help!”_ Spongebob sang as Patrick played a drum set.

 _“It’ll help!”_ The two stood on platforms as fireworks went off.

 _“If you just sing along!”_ Spongebob leapt off the platform, did a rockstar slide, before smashing his guitar, and Patrick smashed his drum set on the sponge’s head, and Spongebob popped out of the bass drum. _“OH YEAH!”_ he shouted.

Pinkie clapped her hooves, while Squidward, Rainbow, and Applejack stared at the two as though they had lost their minds as they rejoined them.

“Ahh, now wasn’t that relaxing?” Spongebob asked.

“No!” Squidward said. _“This_ is relaxing.” He pulled out his clarinet and started playing a poor version of, ‘Kumbaya’.

The others looked alarmed. “Oh no!” Spongebob said. “I’ll save you, Squidward!” He grabbed a marshmallow, put it in a slingshot, pulled back, and launched. The edible projectile flew into the clarinet, and straight into Squidward’s throat. Spongebob ran over to help him.

“Squidward, are you alright?” He reached over, and forced Squidward to chew. “That’s it, chew, chew, and swallow. There, better?”

 _“Better?!”_ demanded an irate Squidward. “I was just fine until you lodged that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!”

“But I had to!” Spongebob said. “It’s too dangerous to play the clarinet badly out here in the wilderness! It might attract…” He leaned in and whispered in Squidward’s ear, “A sea bear.”

“A sea bear?” Squidward asked in a low, cautious voice. “You mean like the ones that _DON’T EXIST?”_

“What are you saying?” Rainbow asked.

“There’s no such thing!” Squidward said. “They’re just a myth!”

“Oh no, Squidward, sea bears are all too real,” Pinkie said. “It says so in the Bikini Bottom Inquirer.” She held up the newspaper.

“‘Hikers Hospitalized by a Sea Bear’?” Squidward asked.

“And in ‘National Oceanographic Monthly’,” Patrick said, holding up a magazine.

“‘Habits of a Sea Bear’? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”

“Well maybe it is stupid,” Rainbow said. “But it’s also dangerous!”

“Rainbow’s right, Squidward,” Applejack said. “Sea Bears are no laughin’ matter. Ah don’t think ya should be doubtin’ that ‘till you’ve seen one yerself. In fact, one came through Appleloosa a couple weeks ago!”

“Wait, really?” Squidward asked.

“Yup,” Applejack said. “It scared the hay out of a bunch of its citizens and the buffalo, and Braeburn ended up in the emergency room ‘cause of it. They’re true as the deep blue.”

“Hmm,” Squidward said, pretending to contemplate. “You know what, Applejack? You’re right. I should be more careful. In fact, why don’t you all tell me all the things I shouldn’t do if I want to keep the sea bears away?”

“Okay, that’s easy,” Spongebob said. “First off, don’t play the clarinet.”

“Okay, then what?”

“Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast,” Pinkie said.

“Bright lights attract ‘em,” Applejack said.

“You’re kidding.”

“Don’t stomp around,” Rainbow said. “They take that as a challenge.”

“Yeah,” Patrick said.

Squidward scribbled on a notepad. “Go on.”

“Don’t ever eat cheese,” Spongebob said.

“Sliced or cubed?” Squidward asked.

The other five huddled together and whispered. “Cubed,” Pinkie said when they broke apart. “Sliced is fine.”

“Yeah, yeah, and?”

“Never wear a sombrero…” Applejack began.

“In a goofy fashion!” Rainbow finished.

“Or clown shoes,” Spongebob said.

“Or a hoop skirt!” Patrick said.

“And never,” Pinkie said.

“Ever,” Applejack said.

“Ever,” Rainbow said

“Duh!” the starfish said.

 _“Screech like a chimpanzee!”_ Spongebob and Patrick shouted, waving their arms.

“Wow!” Squidward said. “It’s amazing how many things can set a sea bear off!”

 _“They’re horrible!”_ Pinkie, Spongebob, and Patrick said, clinging to each other.

“And… and suddenly, I have the sense we’re all in danger,” Squidward said.

“Why?” the three in the huddle asked.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes went wide, and she whispered to Applejack, “He’s not really gonna do it, is he?”

“I don't know,” Squidward said, before he ran off, and came back with everything that set a sea bear off. “Just a feeling!” he said, grinning evilly.

“He is,” Applejack said, as the group’s eyes went wide.

“No,” Spongebob said.

“Yes,” Squidward said.

“No!” Pinkie said.

Squidward began making chimpanzee noises.

“Squidward, please don’t!” the group said.

Squidward lit the flashlight and waved it back and forth, starting to stomping his feet, letting out chimpanzee noises.

“Spongebob, what are we gonna do?” Pinkie asked. “A sea bear is sure to come and eat us!”

“Don’t worry everyone,” Spongebob said, pulling out a stick. “I’ll draw us an anti-sea bear circle in the dirt.” He started to draw a circle.

“Good thinking!” Patrick said. “All the experts say it’s the only defense against a sea bear attack.”

Spongebob finished drawing the circle, and the group huddled in it.

Squidward laughed. “You guys are so gullible!” he said. “See? I did everything that attracts a sea bear, and nothing happened. If sea bears really exist, why didn’t one show up?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion,” suggested Rainbow Dash.

“Oh pfft. Sorry, how silly of me! You mean like _this?”_ Squidward tilted his sombrero sideways, and started laughing. But as he was laughing, a clawed hand reached up, and turned it upside down.

Applejack gulped. “No, like that,” she said.

A growl came from the creature that flipped the hat. Squidward opened his eyes, and saw a sea bear in front of him. He screamed, and the sea bear roared. Squidward turned and ran. The sea bear roared again, and went after Squidward, and it started mauling the octopus, while he screamed in pain. When it was done, the sea bear turned, and swam away, past the group huddling in the circle.

“Squidward, are you okay?” Spongebob asked.

“No,” said a battered and bruised Squidward.

The group carried the circle over to Squidward’s location.

“Quick!” Pinkie said. “Jump inside our anti-sea bear circle before he comes back!” The group dropped the circle.

“Yeah!” Patrick said. “Sea bears often attack more than once!”

Squidward got up. “Are you crazy?” he asked. “A dirt circle won’t stop that monster! _I’m running for my life!”_ He turned and ran.

 _“NO!”_ the group shouted. The sea bear came back and started mauling Squidward again, while they clung to each other. The sea bear once again swam off.

“Don’t run! Sea bears hate that!” Rainbow called.

“Thanks for the tip,” Squidward said. He got up. “I think I’ll just limp home, then.”

 _“NO!”_ The sea bear came back, and started mauling Squidward again. It swam off once it was finished.

“They hate limping more than running!” Pinkie called.

“Then I guess I’ll just have…” The sea bear swam back, and it began to maul him again. It swam away again.

“We shoulda warned ya ‘bout crawlin’!” Applejack called.

It came back, and mauled Squidward, and left when it was through.

“What did I do that time?!” groaned the poor octopus.

“I don’t know!” Spongebob called. “I guess he just doesn’t like you!”

“Pretend to be somebody else!” Patrick suggested.

“Are you serious?” Rainbow asked.

“Probably,” the starfish responded.

“Here, draw a circle,” Spongebob said, tossing Squidward a stick.

“Okay.”

The bear came back and mauled Squidward again, before leaving.

“That was an oval!” Applejack called. “It has to be a circle!”

 _“Move over!”_ Squidward shouted, jumping on top of Spongebob and Patrick’s heads. The sea bear came back, and glared at Squidward, growling. Then it noticed the circle. It examined the dirt, and growled. It glared at Squidward, pointed at him, and swam off without any fuss.

“Hey, it worked!” Squidward said. “You guys saved my life!”

Everyone cheered.

“Yeah, but I’m glad it was just a sea bear,” Rainbow said. “This circle would never hold back a sea rhinoceros!”

“What attracts those?” Squidward asked.

“The sound of a sea bear attack,” Pinkie said. Squidward looked up, and saw a sea rhinoceros glaring at him and snorting.

“Yup,” Applejack said. “Good thing we made sure we had plenty of anti-sea rhinoceros spray when we came out here. Stay near us, and you won’t have to worry about being attacked.”

“Huh,” was Squidward’s only repy.


End file.
